


Tending to the Gardenia

by Bespectacled_Owl



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Grieving, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mentions of Death, Sibling Incest, mentions of armed conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 16:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18253262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bespectacled_Owl/pseuds/Bespectacled_Owl
Summary: "Ikuya had to laugh at himself, Tending to the Gardenia, how much more obvious could he get? For years he’d been spilling his heart out across every page of every poetry book he ever made with ink and paint and yet somehow no one knew. Perhaps they were all just oblivious, or perhaps their less tainted minds would never fathom who all his pieces might be about and would therefore never hazard a guess."Ikuya has been harbouring his feelings for Natsuya their entire life, but was always too afraid to tell him. But what if he never got the chance- would he regret it? Natsuya knew he would, and he was going to make sure he told Ikuya the truth.





	Tending to the Gardenia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pretty_rekless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_rekless/gifts).



> This fic was written as a birthday gift for my wonderful beta and best friend whom I love and appreciate dearly- I'm calling this a botanical AU but no tags exist for that :P . Happy birthday lovely, I know it's not your traditional birthday fic but I hope you still love it! 
> 
> That being said, this ended up being a little darker than I intended, so please, lovely readers, keep that in mind.

Ikuya’s brush delicately smoothed over his page, careful to ensure the watercolour paints emulated the Gardenia flowers in front of him as precisely as possible. This was his 15th attempt at finalizing the cover of his new poetry book, and his agent was getting nervous. 

Ikuya was known to be… _difficult_ at times _,_ enough so that two of his previous agents had asked to be transferred to different clients. On both occasions he hadn’t been happy with his cover art and refused to publish on time; pushing one release back almost a month. But the public loved his work; both his poetry and his narrative non-fiction novels were outselling some of their best authors, and his artwork was part of the allure. It would make no financial sense for the company to drop him, not to mention the social media fallout that would surly follow. Needless to say, he had more motivation to be perfect than to be on time; which was fine by him but stressful for those attempting to keep him in check.

Luckily, after passing the finishing stroke over the petals, Ikuya was satisfied. This variation evoked the exact emotions he was looking for: cautious and allusive while remaining melancholic.

To match the tone of all the pieces inside.

He had to laugh at himself, _Tending to the Gardenia,_ how much more obvious could he get? For years he’d been spilling his heart out across every page of every poetry book he ever made with ink and paint and yet somehow no one knew. Perhaps they were all just oblivious, or perhaps their less tainted minds would never fathom _who_ all his pieces might be about and would therefore never hazard a guess.

He stretched him arms behind his head, leaning back in his chair and taking in a deep breath, inhaling the crisp and floral scents from the garden. This wasn’t the time to mope and this line of thinking would surly lead to it; he was doing this too frequently lately and he still had a lot to do today.

Sensing his movements, Ikuya’s excitable pup Aspen woke from her afternoon nap at his feet and quickly stood at attention, ready to follow him to whatever his next task may be. He had always thought of himself more of a cat person growing up, but when his neighbour from a few houses over announced that her Australian Shepard, Luna, had given birth to 5 gorgeous puppies he couldn’t resist heading over to take a peak. A few days later, Aspen had stolen his heart with a tricoloured coat, big blue eyes, and a wet puppy kiss. The rest might as well have been history.

Ikuya carefully side stepped around her as he put away his tools and ensured everything was properly stored, making sure to bring the final piece he’d just finished inside to protect it from the rest of the days chores. He pulled out his phone and set a reminder to email his agent before end of day about finishing; the book was supposed to be sent to print soon so he’d be anxiously awaiting a final copy. He could send it now… but that would likely mean receiving a visit today, and he wasn’t in the mood for another lecture about cutting things close.

Swivelling on his heels, he made his way back from the quaint little cottage towards the expansive greenhouse. Stepping back into this oasis always felt like a bit of a dream for Ikuya, and he was positive that this feeling of astonishment was never going to fade. He hadn’t built this place himself, nor had he purchased it, so every time he walked along the cobblestone paths to water the expansive variety of flora inside or to seek inspiration for a new book he couldn’t help but marvel at how he’d gotten here. 

The property, and all the flora on it, had been owned and curated by his favourite Ecology professor Dr. A Leopold, an elderly American immigrant renowned for his written works. Ikuya had been fascinated with his writing for years before actually attending his lectures, and had specifically chosen his university based on the opportunity to work with him.

Plus, an out-of-city university meant he wouldn’t be at home with Natsuya anymore… His parents hadn’t understood why he was so insistent on leaving, how could they? But it was something he needed to do. Living at home they were all too… close.

Even with the added motivation to leave, he had truly wanted to work with the ecologist/writer. Dr. Leopold’s unique outlook on the world inspired Ikuya’s own written and illustrated pieces, and when the opportunity arose he had been thrilled to have Dr. Leopold as his Masters thesis supervisor.

As brilliant and compassionate as Leo (as he’d asked Ikuya to call him) and his lovely wife were, they had dedicated all their energies to their careers, and in their old age had no children or grandchildren to dote on. This meant they generally treated their students as if they were their own children, and often spent time with them outside of educational settings. After his wife’s passing this became especially true for Leo, and as Ikuya completed his Masters he often found himself typing away on his laptop in one of the chaise loungers beside the large central fountain, or at a table sipping coffee while Leo worked.

It was the perfect space for productivity with climbing and creeping vine species and luscious trees acting as a barrier along the soundproofed glass walls. Light could easily stream inside, but no busybodies or door-to-door salesmen could see inside, and no sound from inside could alert them to your presence- while no sound from outside could disturb you. It was like being in your own little world.

A true oasis in his own home.

With his train of thought already deciding to rehash this story on its own, Ikuya let his mind’s eye follow the tracks as he untightened the water valve and picked up the hose to begin watering the plants. He knew he should eventually write a short story about this strange tale, but for now he would just keep retelling the events to himself as he tended to the plants- Aspen in tow.

Now it might seem strange to some that a young university student could become so close to such an elderly man, but Ikuya’s parents lived a few hours from the university and rarely visited, and Natsuya was almost always off taking photographs in exotic locations. With little to no family contact, his idol and mentor easily became a stand-in family member of sorts of Ikuya, treating him like the grandson he’d never had. Even with the doting affection he received from the old man, Ikuya had always assumed the feeling of closeness was rather one-sided- he knew other students often spent time here both before and after Mrs. Leopold’s passing, and assumed they received the same warm and open welcome. 

That assumption, however, was disproven late fall two years ago when he received a call from an unknown number one afternoon. To his shock, it had been Leo’s attorney, informing him that Leo had passed away painlessly in his sleep from old age and requesting a time they could properly meet. If Ikuya was being honest, he couldn’t really remember the rest of the phone call, he had been too sad to speak properly. He had known this call would come eventually, he just hadn’t expected it to come from a lawyer- he assumed he’d hear about Leo’s passing from a fellow student or professor, or a news broadcaster.

The only thing he could clearly remember from their talk was the date they’d picked to meet, and in his haze at the time he hadn’t bothered to ask why a meeting was needed. It came as an even greater shock then, when he arrived at the attorney’s office to find a stack of paperwork he needed to sign.

As it turned out, Ikuya hadn’t been wrong to feel like the old man was a grandparent figure in his life, as Leo had enjoyed his company enough to call him “the grandchild he could have only hoped for” in his last will and testament. Dr. Leopold had believed this so strongly that he’d chosen to leave his cottage, greenhouse, and everything inside of them to Ikuya.

At first, Ikuya had been shocked, asking the attorney to repeat himself several times before he was handed a written letter from his old professor. He remembered tearing up as he read through pages of heartfelt words of encouragement and explanations; Ikuya reminded him of his younger self, buzzing with inspiration and a clear talent for writing and art. Leo had no children to leave his estate to and he felt Ikuya could make the best use of the property; his only condition was that the boy followed his heart into writing and made time for his poetry too.

Signing over the papers had felt surreal to him; he was young, single, newly graduated, and just starting with a publishing company Leo had introduced him to, and now he owned a decent sized property with a home and an expansive greenhouse. Anyone would have to pinch themselves to see if they were dreaming.

Yet here he was, finishing up the watering for the day two years later and trying his best to keep his silent promise to make Leo proud with his work.

Ikuya was careful to wrap up the hose, making sure it was coiled back around its hook before moving to fluff up and straighten out the pillows and blankets on the chaise loungers. He rarely had guests, but if his mother had taught him any homeowner’s skills it was that keeping things tidy as you go is much easier than cleaning in a panic.

The only thing he had left to do today was replace all the bulbs in the old fashioned street lamps that lit the cobblestone at night- he had recently purchased additions that allowed them to run on solar power. It was going to be a relatively simple but tedious task, and he’d already been productive all morning… he deserved a break.

Walking back into the cottage, he made his way to the kitchen and pulled out some leftover stock, noodles, and vegetables, thinking he’d make himself some tsukemen and steamed vegetables with miso sesame sauce for lunch. He would have to remember to thank Haru for this recipe when the team was back from their competition circuit- as much as he hated to admit that he was “copying” the raven again, he was the one that taught him how to cook back in university. Something Natsuya still teased him about every so often.

Just as he began cutting his kabocha down to size, a melodic chime danced through the entire cottage, alerting him that someone had pulled into the driveway. Looking out the window, he noted the mailperson stopping to place a small package along with his mail into his mailbox.

Setting his kettle onto the stove to let it begin to bubble for tea, Ikuya and Aspen made their way to the mailbox- packages could only mean one thing; Natsuya had sent him some ‘gifts’. They always seemed to arrive with his monthly copy of National Geographic; he’d have to make sure to read Natsuya’s most recent article and see which photo’s they had selected this time around to be featured in the spread.

Ikuya hated to admit how happy these little presents made him; his ani still texted whenever he was in cell range, but there was something nostalgic about a hand written letter and printed photos that annoyingly made his heart skip. Based on the customs stamps littering the exterior of the package, this one was from Natsuya’s recent stay in Hong Kong. Opening the box, Ikuya found the typical contents: a letter talking about where he’d been in the area, the work he’d done, food he’d eaten, random sites he’d seen, explanations of each of the printed shots he’d sent, and some local souvenirs.

Apparently this trip was focusing on local wildlife, with a few of the photos he’d sent featuring what he called “Masked Palm Civets” in his notes. A few more captured local monuments and small family shops, and then, as always, a single shot of himself- this time it was a profile shot of him staring out at the skyline from the balcony of their hotel.

Ikuya’s heart ached looking at the photo, these images were never meant to be “beauty shots” but he looked stunning none the less. There was no way Natsuya could know what these photos did to him each time he took and sent them, but Ikuya couldn’t help but wish that he did. It had been ages since they’d seen one another in person, and seemingly having the brunet close enough to touch sent a shiver down his spine. He didn’t know why Natsuya insisted on sending photos of himself, and Ikuya had asked him to stop more than once, but his arguments always went unheard as Natsuya brushed them off as him being intentionally difficult.  

Then, as always, the letter finished with where he was headed to next and when he thought he'd be back home.

 _We’re leaving for Ethiopia tomorrow, I’ll be there for two weeks then I’m on rest for a bit. I promise to visit once I’m back._

_Two weeks._

Double-checking the date the letter was sent, Ikuya panicked realizing there was only two days left before that two-week timeframe was up. The idea of Natsuya finally visiting after more than 7 months of work sparked both overwhelming joy and near crippling fear in him. He had long since accepted this annoying flutter in his chest was so much more than sibling adoration, and that it wasn’t going away anytime soon. If anything, the older he got the father he fell, which is why this particular visit was terrifying- it was becoming near impossible to keep his love a secret.

And two days was _not_ enough time to wrangle his emotions.

He’d also accepted his fate of remaining alone for the remainder of his life, having no interest in pretending with anyone else. But these feeling came with guilt and shame even if he had accepted them; it was one of the reasons he rarely saw his parents anymore. Truthfully, he had convinced himself more than once to tell Natsuya the truth just to end his misery, convinced hearing the man directly turn him down would put an end to this sinful crush, but whenever an opportunity arose for him to do so, he froze.

Too scared to lose him. 

It was for the best he didn’t know. Ikuya knew that…. He did. They didn’t see one another enough for it to _really_ matter, because he would absolutely, without a doubt, turn him down in disgust.

Wouldn’t he?

Ikuya shook his head like an Etch A Sketch in an attempt to clear the mental images that threatened to form. Like he said, today wasn’t a day to mope.

Hoping it would take his mind off things, he made his way back to the stove. Trusting that the soothing sounds of a chopping board and boiling water would ease the tension in his shoulders and the subtle sting in his chest.

The fresh meal and warm tea did help calm his nerves, besides, after finishing the cover art this morning and the small greenhouse renovations later today he had plenty of free time to try and pull himself together. The house was clean, he didn’t have any more deadlines, and he hadn’t made plans for the weekend. He could do this.

Maybe he should get his hair cut tomorrow… 

* * *

 

 

Ikuya fused with his hair for the umpteenth time that morning, alternating the direction of its swoop, fiddling with his bangs, and debating on if he should clip part of it up. 

  
Natsuya always complimented him when he had it up and out of his face… but that shouldn’t matter! What mattered was whether or not he liked it.

Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten it trimmed…

While there was nothing he could do about it now. Huffing at his reflection, Ikuya made his way to the kitchen to check on the muffins he had in the oven. He’d temporarily lost his cool just after getting his haircut the previous day and ended up buying a full grocery load of fresh ingredients. It wasn’t until he got home that he realized he’d purchased way too much for two people.

He couldn’t exactly take it all back to the market, so apparently he was spending a good chunk of the day cooking and baking. He could give anything he thought they wouldn’t be able to eat on their own to the neighbours. Natsuya still hadn’t messaged or called him about what time he might be over, so he was essentially finding things to do while he anxiously awaited a chime to ring through the house or from his phone.

3 dozen muffins, two batches of cookies, around 7 different kinds of tsukemono, and a whole pot of bubbling ramen broth later and still no word from his ani. Having exhausted all the chores he could properly do in the house, he ventured into the greenhouse to do some light gardening- deadheading some of the seasonal flowers and trimming back some mosses that crept too far onto the cobblestone.

With still no word by late afternoon Ikuya gave into the more tedious and dirty tasks; watering the entire garden and mulching/ fertilizing any areas he felt might need it. He also managed to give every inch of the cobblestone a decent scrubbing so they sparkled slightly as the sun danced along them. 

It was already dark out by the time Ikuya made it inside to shower and give up on productivity for the day. It wasn’t until he found himself restyling his hair that he realized Natsuya hadn’t said he was visiting him the day he got home.

He checked his phone again, hoping for some sort of missed notification but there was nothing from his brother, he considered messaging him himself- but he was never the one to message first. He would never hear the end of it if he did, and that just wasn’t how their relationship worked. 

Plus, in all honesty, he felt rather stupid for being so wound up the entire day when he hadn’t even really known _when_ Natsuya was planning on visiting. He had gone and gotten all excited about being the first person Natsuya wanted to see when he came back all on his own. Thinking logically, it made a lot more sense for him to go see their parents, or possibly even Nao, before coming here.

He spent the remainder of the night aimlessly wandering around the house doing meaningless tasks: rearranging some books in his bookcase, organizing all the research materials on his desk for his next non-fiction piece, feeding Aspen, slicing some fresh fish and vegetables for a sake donburi for dinner, and eventually just flipping his television to a random soap opera he wasn’t really watching. All the while, repeatedly making sure his phone’s volume was at max, that his service was functioning, and almost obsessively checking for potential notifications. 

But none came, and no chime rang from his door.

Eventually succumbing to the day’s exhaustion, Ikuya fell asleep on his couch, Aspen at his side, holding his phone.

***

_“Go go go go GO! Run! Don’t worry about them just get out of here!” A faceless voice yelled as they ran through the dried brush. He didn’t know why they were running but he wasn’t about to stop._

_Ikuya could hear what sounded like gunfire, and people screaming. He could also make out what sounded like commands being shouted in a language he didn’t understand in the distance._

_He could smell smoke, and something much worse he couldn’t place. There was a low ringing in his ears, and a sharp pain in his side- looking down he could see a growing red stain on his dirt-covered shirt._

_There wasn’t time to ask questions, they just had to get out of here- wherever here was. He kept running, his lungs were burning from exertion but he couldn’t stop. He was almost catching up to the men running ahead of hi-_

_There was a loud bang and a blinding flash of light, the ringing in his ears heightening to a deafening volume as the ground below his feet disappeared._

_Then everything went black._

Ikuya woke up with a scream, cold sweat soaking his sleep shirt and sheets. Aspen whined next to him, nuzzling him before half climbing on top of him to lick his face. She wasn’t trained to deal with night terrors, but when you were barely holding yourself together, feeling a grounding lick to the face and another living thing’s pressure on you it was good enough.

He took in a few deep breaths, calming himself down and repeating ‘ _it’s just a dream’_ over and over to bring himself back to reality. This was the 10th night in a row he hadn’t been able to sleep through the night.

Looking over at his alarm clock, he groaned realizing it was only 4:15am. There was no way he was getting back to sleep after that but it was far too early to get up. Staring up at his ceiling fan, Ikuya brought the covers he’d kicked away up and over Aspen and himself and cuddled her close; focusing on her heartbeat and breathing to try and remain present.

It was 19 days past when Natsuya was supposed to be home, 12 since he’d realized he wasn’t the only one wondering what was going on. Or at least he thought it was… the days had started to blur together more and more as he slept less.

Ikuya had held out for an entire week with no contact before calling his parents and hazarding to ask whether Natsuya was still at their house. They had thought Natsuya was at his, and a call to Nao confirmed that none of them had heard from him. Before then he was just concerned he might not actually get to see Natsuya before he had to head back out into the field, but knowing that none of them had heard from him was legitimately worrying.

Two more uneasy days had passed before he received a frantic call from Asahi telling him to flip his TV to the news, where he’d watched in horror as a reporter flashed images of a burnt village on the screen.

 

_“Among those international visitors meant to be visiting the village during the time of the attack were Japanese National Geographic photographers and reporters Inoue Hiroki and Kirishima Natsuya. Meant to be reporting on how violent conflict in the area is impacting endemic wildlife, the two journalists have been missing for over three weeks. Updates on this story later this week.”_

And that was the day the night terrors had started.

A stray tear fell from Ikuya’s eye into Aspens fur as he replayed the broadcast in his head. His family had finally gotten a hold of Natsuya’s boss a day after the report aired and they confirmed that they hadn’t been in contact with him since the attacks. While the area was supposed to be relatively safe, it seemed a nearby sec of the Somali terror group Al-Shabaab had learned foreigners were visiting the town and acted to burn down their camp.

He assured them that they had tried to reach out to the family right when the attacks had occurred but the contact information Natsuya had provided them hadn’t been updated for years and were out of date, so they had no way to get a hold of them. No official reports had been completed yet, but they assured them they would keep them updated with information as they received it.

While they had no evidence to suggest something bad had happened to Natsuya and Hiroki, it was difficult not to assume the worst. ‘They were in a terrorist attack for Gods sake.’ Ikuya mumbled to himself as he curled even further into himself.

A sickening feeling deep in Ikuya’s gut began to form as he lost control of his thoughts again, another common feeling since he’d learned of the attacks. The thought that Natsuya might have died in the fires making him sick to his stomach, and as much as he hated to admit it, one of the predominate feelings of guilt stemmed from never getting to tell him how he felt.

He could feel more tears threatening to fall and quickly sat up, he couldn’t spend another morning crying- they _didn’t have proof anything happened,_ he chanted again in an attempt to reassure himself.

He glanced at his phone, debating on bringing it with him, but when he picked it up he remembered it had been dead for two days now. He was too tired to look for the charger so he tossed it back on the dresser and slowly made his way into the kitchen.

He couldn’t be bothered to get dressed or brush his teeth, let alone make real food or go to a grocery store. Asahi had stopped by a few days ago with house supplies and fresh produce, or at least he assumed it was Asahi- he hadn’t answered his door. But even with food in the fridge he just… _couldn’t._ So for the 3rd day in a row he reheated rice and tore open a packet of natto for breakfast. He knew he couldn’t survive on rice and soybeans alone, but it was better than nothing.

Drifting to the kitchen table, Ikuya forced down some food despite his nausea; he couldn’t tell if all the photos of Natsuya he had spread out on the table the previous day was helping or making things worse. He’d never actually looked at them as a group before, only as the singles that came with his other shots, and even if they weren’t helping, they were making at least one thing clear.

He was absolutely, irrefutably, head over heels in love with this man.

He had known that for a while now but as he sat in front of the sea of images he was flooded with reasons why. Sure, he was the most handsome man Ikuya had ever seen – but that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. Each of these photos was taken by a different photographer capturing what they felt was his defining trait for them. Each evoked such strong emotion, and it was overwhelming to see it laid out in front of him.

He loved every part of him. His passion. His drive. His stubbornness. His unique perspectives. His warmth, his laugh, his focused expression. All of it. He loved him so much his heart hurt and he should have told him that when he had the chance. If he could go back and change things, he would tell the truth. 

Ikuya shoved himself away from the table, his frustration and self-loathing making it impossible to stare at the images any longer.

He ended up spending the rest of the day in the greenhouse, painting drooping flowers and thunderstorms.

Before it became crucial to his job, he used to use painting as a form of catharsis- and right now it was the only thing he could do to stay motivated enough to not just crawl back into bed. He knew he needed to water the garden, but he just didn’t have the strength today.

He would try tomorrow.

 

***

He didn’t manage to water them.

He barely even managed to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. 

By the end of the day he’d barely spent more than half an hour out of bed. He needed to try and do something before going back to sleep.

It had been over a week since he’d showered, that was something.

He pulled himself out of bed and into the bathroom, feeling exhausted after just pulling off his clothes. He couldn’t be bothered to stand, so he turned on the water maybe a little too hot and sat on the shower floor before slowly massaging the shampoo into his hair. He managed to wash his body as well, the familiar scent of his body wash temporarily giving him enough motivation to finish the wash properly.

Being clean did make him feel a little bit better, enough so that he managed to strip down and change his bed and pillow sheets so he wasn’t climbing back into the grime as he waited for his hair to dry a little in his towel.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow he’d water the garden.

 

***

Ikuya woke up with a yawn and a thorough stretch, the suns rays streaming into his room from high in the sky. Looking over at his alarm clock he was shocked to see it was already past noon.

It was the first time in 12 days he’d gotten a good nights sleep free from nightmares. He wanted to keep this energy going, so he quickly got up out of bed and turned on his speakers to an uplifting lo-fi playlist before going into the washroom to brush his teeth. He even laughed a little at the bed head he was sporting.

He managed to cook himself a decent breakfast with vegetables, broiled fish, and some eggs to go with his rice- real food in his stomach giving him more strength than he’d had in weeks.

Aspen seemed more energetic too, digging in her toy bin for a stuffed monkey to play with.

He opened the curtains to let the light back into the cottage and opened the windows to bring in some fresh air.

Today was going to be a better day. He would make sure of it. 

After finishing his coffee and putting all the dishes in the washer he made a point of cleaning the house, he had let it get out of sorts and he knew getting things back in shape would make him feel a little better. Nothing too difficult, just some basic dusting, pillow fluffing, and sweeping, but that was enough to make the house look cozy again.

The sun was already dropping in the sky when Ikuya finally stepped foot in the greenhouse, taking a deep breath in and moving to grab the hose. There was something calming about the sound of cool water hitting leaves, and the smell that they released after the dry spell enveloped him like a familiar, warm hug. He felt a little guilty for neglecting them, but they all seemed to have survived.

He should paint something today, something other than a drooping flower or a thunderstorm. Maybe he could finally take the time to paint Aspen; it had been a while since he'd painted something other than the various flora in the garden.

If he was feeling up to it tomorrow he should probably message his agent, let him know why he hasn’t been responding to any of his emails or answering his door. He should probably text Asahi too, to thank him for the groceries.

As if on queue, the familiar chime of a visitor pulling into his driveway rang through the greenhouse, with a few beats passing before he could hear a knock at his door.

He knew he should answer it, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to interact with anyone…

He would apologize tomorrow.

Whoever it was would understand.

He drew his focus back to the task at hand, continuing to water the remainder of the plants in the garden, making sure to give extra attention to the more delicate flowers. Finishing up, he turned off the water and started wrapping the hose around its hook.

But then the door to the greenhouse was opening and he spun around to see big, amber eyes staring back at him.

He was dropping the hose and running towards Natsuya before his brain even fully registered what was happening. He was normally too embarrassed to properly hug his ani, but the confusing waves of relief and elation mixed with shock and anger hit him all at once and had him launching himself at Natsuya. Tears streaming down his face as he pulled the older into a tight embrace and refused to let go.

Natsuya held him just as tightly, resting his nose on top of Ikuya’s head and inhaling deeply. Ikuya had no idea how long they stood there in the silent hug but he didn’t care.

He was safe, and he was here now.

Once the tears had dried, Ikuya just barely pulled away to stare up into Natsuya’s eyes. 

“H-how? The attack….” Natsuya nodded, understanding what he meant.

“A scout warned us just in time, pulling us from our beds and sneaking us out of the village to safety. We barely made it in time, 5 minutes later and I would have been gone…”

Ikuya gulped, hearing Natsuya say it made it even realer, but that fear was quickly overtaken with anger. Slamming his fists into Natsuya’s chest the best he could still pulled into the tight embrace, Ikuya continued –

“Why didn’t you call, or send an email?! It’s been over three weeks! I- I thought you were, I thought you were DE-”

“I know I know and I’m so fucking sorry for putting you all through this,” He pulled Ikuya in even tighter, moving to rub calming circles into the dip of his back, “we didn’t have time to think, we barely made it out with the clothes on out backs. I didn’t have my phone or my computer; I didn't even have my ID. When we finally made it to a consulate a few days ago we had to wait for them to confirm our identities before we could get safe travel home. I tried to call you plenty of times since, but every time I did it went straight to voice mail.”  
  
Ikuya gasped, realizing his phone had been sitting on his dresser, complete dead for almost a week.

Natsuya continued “I called mom and dad when I landed and came right here… I wasn’t sure I was ever going to make it back… and I’m so, so sorry it’s been so long. But I’m home.”

The phrase “I’m home” acted like a trigger in Ikuya’s mind, and suddenly he was rushing with adrenaline. Natsuya had come home, he hadn't missed his chance; he could still tell him. He _needed_ to tell him now.

“Natsu-nii, I-” But Natsuya cut him off.  
  
“Before you saying anything, let me finish. I nearly _died_ out there, I didn’t, but I could have. And that made me realize I would have died with the regret of not being honest with you…”  
  
“Wait, before you say anythi-” Ikuya tried to interrupt again, worried that whatever Natsuya was going to say would make him hesitate.

“Please, just let me fin-”

“No, let me go firs-”

The back and forth of interrupting getting louder with each cut off, and eventually they had both reached a breaking point and shouted-

“SHUT UP, “I’m trying to tell you I love you!”

A beat passed between the two, both brothers stunned and questioning if the other had meant it the same way they had. But Natsuya wasn’t about to let this chance slip-  
  
“Hit me if you hate it” He said quickly, Ikuya barely getting out the start of a question before warm lips were smashing into his.

Ikuya hated to sound as clichéd as his profession would suggest, but it literally felt like a small fireworks display was going off in his head as Natsuya realized he wasn’t going to pull away and loosened his grip to readjust their lips for a proper lock.

Natsuya's lips were incredibly soft, and were gentle in their caresses as they chanced a few movements, but Ikuya could tell he was holding back and the thought sent a shiver up his spine. Natsuya swallowed hard, and hesitantly moved one of his hands up from the hug to cup Ikuya’s cheek. The younger responding by leaning into the touch, humming happily as he felt that warmth radiate through him.

He had imagined what this moment could be like for over a decade, but none of his fantasies came even close. He wanted to savour every moment from this point forward, as far as Natsuya was willing to take it. But he couldn’t help wanting to move things along. He carefully brought his arms up between them, fingertips tingling in anticipation before he was finally able to run his fingers through Natsuya’s silky chocolate locks.

The manoeuvre brought them even closer together, encouraging the older to take a risk and part his lips to run his tongue along Ikuya’s bottom lip before lightly nibbling it. He could feel the shudder the move elicited before a soft groan escaped Ikuya’s lips, egging him on. Ikuya let his lips fall open for Natsuya as the brunet slid his tongue against his in a slow dance. He tasted sweeter than Ikuya could have ever imagined and he never wanted to be separated again.

But it couldn't last forever, and eventually they needed to separate for a breather, Ikuya barely pulling back to rest he head against Natsuya’s chest, panting and gently moving his head to ease the tension in his neck from the angle they’d been at. Before he could help it, a small laugh was bubbling up and escaping his lips- Natsuya pulling back to make sure he was indeed laughing and not crying.

“What are you giggling for~?” He asked with a smile of his own, running his hand along Ikuya’s cheek.

“I’m laughing at myself…” He admitted rather vaguely, blushing profusely and avoiding eye contact.  
  
“ _For_?” Natsuya pressed, gently pulling the younger’s chin towards him so their eyes could meet.

“For…” Ikuya gulped, he wanted to respond with his trademark sass but he’d said he was going to be honest about all this, “for being cheesy and thinking it was worth the wait”.

The smile that spread across Natsuya’s face was dazzling, and sent a fiery heat straight from Ikuya’s chest to every part of his body. _God, please let this keep going,_ he silently begged. He knew it wasn’t the ideal time for this to happen, but really, when was?

“~~~~” Ikuya mumbled into his shoulder, confidence failing him.

“What was that?” Natsuya encouraged, enjoying the blush that was still spreading across the younger’s face.

“I _said,”_ Ikuya responded with a bit more sass, beginning to sound like the brother Natsuya remembered “kiss me again.” 

Okay maybe not exactly like what he remembered, this version was even better. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t still feeling some hesitation- Natsuya absolutely wanted this, but…  
  
“Are you sure? If… well if we keep going I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stop.” He admitted honestly.

He was shocked to see Ikuya respond by quickly moving to pull his shirt off over his head before grabbing at the hem of his own, beautiful honey eyes staring up at him seemingly asking for permission.

One look at that wanton expression and his hands were moving on their own, doing Ikuya’s work for him and pulling off his top and dropping it on the cobblestone. Ikuya openly ran his eyes along every inch of Natsuya’s torso, pupils dilating as they reached the sharp Adonis belt leading towards the bulge in his pants.

Oh yeah, he was absolutely sure. Ikuya’d thought this was something he could only dream about and now that this chance was in front of him, he was absolutely going to take it.

Building up his confidence, Ikuya reached up and around Natsuya’s neck, pulling him down to clumsily connect their lips again. Quickly parting his lips and encouraging Natsuya to do the same. Natsuya could tell he was inexperienced, but that didn’t matter- if anything it pushed his more possessive side on, making him want to claim him as his own.

Natsuya let his lips trail from Ikuya’s, across his chin, and down his neck. Stopping at his pulse point to greedily suck a kiss mark into his skin, marking him, before trailing his way back up. Ikuya moaned in response; he wanted to be annoyed with the mark, knowing he’d need to cover it for work, but Natsuya’s lips on his neck felt too good for him to really care.

The elder moved to wrap his arms tightly around Ikuya’s waist, pulling them together and effectively rubbing their members together unintentionally. Accident or not, the surprise contact caused a gasp to escape the younger's lips before he pressed his hips even further forward, revelling in the friction. The feeling of Ikuya rutting against him was messing with Natsuya’s head, glazing over his judgement with lust. Any reservations he’d felt previous seemingly evaporating as need surged through him.

“We should go inside, to your bedroom~” Natsuya mused into the skin of Ikuya’s neck with heated breath, the sensation making the younger’s knees a little weak.  
  
But Ikuya didn’t want to move, it would take too long. He shook his head no as he found his voice again – “ ‘s soundproof,” he pointed out while gesturing to the glass surrounding them.

“What if someone comes to the door?”

“Th-they won’t. Plus, they can’t see”

“I’m not taking you for the first time on a stone pathway Iku-kun” Natsuya argued gently; feeling a little flutter in his chest at the younger’s impatience.

“Not on the ground, the lounger.”

Ikuya was already pulling him towards one of the chaise loungers in the greenhouse, how had Natsuya missed them? He didn’t _really_ care where they were, as long as he got to touch Ikuya more, so he let himself be led towards the largest of the set.

Not wasting any time, Natsuya quickly undid his belt buckle and dropped his pants to the ground before side stepping out of the legs. Looking up, he noticed Ikuya staring right as his boxers, or more specifically, at the growing bulge inside of them.

“Did you want to touch it?” He asked cheekily, wanting to tease the younger a little. To his surprise, Ikuya nodded enthusiastically and pulled him towards the lounger, taking hold of the top band around his boxer briefs before pausing briefly, almost like he was preparing himself.

And preparing he was. Ikuya could hear the hammer of his chest in his ears as all the blood in his body rushed to his now fully hardened member. He would never admit it, but he was simultaneously the most nervous and the most excited he’d ever been in his entire life.

This was really happening, he was going to get to sleep with the love of his life despite all the complications and stigmas. Fuck all the judgements and societal rules, fuck every single time he’d told himself he was going to burn in hell for feeling this way, and fuck sugar coating and censoring his own thoughts.

There was no going back from here, they’d already crossed a line, and he wanted to run as far away from it as he could. 

Taking in one more calming breath, Ikuya shut his eyes tightly before tugging Natsuya’s boxer briefs down towards his ankles, freeing his rock hard member from the confines of the fabric. He could hear the sharp inhale Natsuya took in as the cool air hit his shaft, and he slowly opened his eyes to see the figure standing in front of him fully for the first time. Pulling the garment all the way to the ground meant he was practically eye level with Natsuya’s dick, eyes growing even darker as he slowly reached forward-.

But before he could actually wrap his hand around Natsuya, the older was moving to sit on the lounger before pulling him up off the ground and closer to him by his waist band.

“Your turn~” Natsuya’s voice had dropped to a much deeper tone, and sounded as smooth as honey in his ears.

Ikuya could feel himself swooning a little as he nodded, letting Natsuya easily remove his pants and boxers in a single motion.

“Do you trust me?” Ikuya nodded again as he was pulled even closer, fighting the urge to cover himself a little. 

“Sit on my lap,” Natsuya encouraged, helping Ikuya gently sit on his thighs and guiding the younger’s legs into a crossed position around his torso and one of his arms around his neck for stability.

Ikuya sucked in a deep breath and tried not to move too much, in this position any movement had their dicks rubbing together and it was sending tiny shocks through his system. Natsuya had a sturdying arm wrapped around his back to make sure he didn’t fall, and gently ran the opposite hand through Ikuya’s hair before anchoring it at the base of his neck and pulling him in for a gentle kiss.

“You’re free to touch now if you want~” The statement was little more than a murmur against his lips but it rang in Ikuya’s ears like a loud speaker.

Reaching forward with his free hand, he carefully wrapped his fingers around Natsuya’s shaft, giving an experimental pump and trembling a little as the motion caused him to brush against his own. A few more purposeful strokes earned him an appreciative sigh from Natsuya, so he was a little confused when the hand resting on his neck moved to seemingly stop his movements.

He offered a questioning glance back up into Natsuya’s eyes, which he noticed were significantly more dilated than they’d been earlier. 

“Try this instead~” Natsuya mused, gently moving to open Ikuya’s hand so that it could grasp both their dicks before placing his hand overtop to stroke them together.

A single moan was able to escape Ikuya’s lips before he could catch it; the friction of both their hands and their dicks rubbing together surprising him. He hadn’t known a simple hand job could feel this good…

Natsuya continued to bob his own hand, guiding Ikuya’s and revelling in the feeling of finally having Ikuya’s body moving against his. For a good chunk of his life he’d been avoiding spending too much time alone with his brother in an attempt to quell the lust that was rushing through him now, and he never would have guessed they would be in this position.

Yet here they were; it was honestly a little startling how easily they’d fallen together, and how prominent the feeling of love was in each action even with the sheer strength of desire coursing through them. This connection was the best feeling he’d ever experienced, and Natsuya knew he could make things feel even better.

Once it was clear Ikuya no longer needed his guiding hand to keep his hand pumping, Natsuya drew back his hand and placed a few fingers on Ikuya’s lips-

“Do me a favour, lick these?” Ikuya gave him a confused look and crinkled his nose a little, but didn’t stop the motion of his hand around them.

“Why?” Ikuya responded without thinking, falling back into old confrontational habits.

Natsuya was completely unfazed, as always, and simply shifted to nuzzle his nose a little before leaning to whisper in Ikuya’s ear hotly,

“Don't give me that~ I promise I’ll make you feel good after.”

It was hard to argue with him when the sound of his voice alone was making Ikuya melt, so in a last act of rebellion he kept his eyes locked on Natsuya’s as he drew the fingers into his mouth, swivelling his tongue around them and graciously coating them. He didn’t have any actual experience, but this always seemed to make the receiving characters in his mangas get all hot and bothered.

Apparently his effort had worked because he was rewarded with what he could only describe as a growl before Natsuya groaned out- “ _Fuck_ iku-kun, you have no idea how _sexy_ you look right now…”

He had a general idea, he’d seen it illustrated, but hearing it coming from Natsuya was doing wonders for his self-confidence.

Natsuya let Ikuya suck on his fingers a little longer than was necessary, momentarily lost in the thought that this would feel amazing around his cock, but he managed to collect himself enough to pull his fingers away. He adjusted his legs underneath Ikuya to give himself enough room and slowly dragged his thumb along his spine so there would be no surprises.

“This might hurt a bit at first, but I promise it’ll get better.”

Ikuya couldn’t help but shiver as Natsuya began slowly pressing a finger into him, working to loosen the ring of muscles a digit at a time. He’d done this to himself plenty of times, so he was familiar with the sensation, but Natsuya’s fingers were a lot… _thicker_ than his own. And as the pain he felt began to fade, and the muscles in his stomach started to coil, the thought of having something even thicker inside of him had him leaking all over his hand.

A reaction that wasn’t lost on Natsuya, the slick feeling letting him know he’d stretched him enough- and reminding him they needed some lube. Looking around there wasn’t many options, but then he realized there might be a simple solution- taking a look at the various plants surrounding them, he found what he was looking for.

Natsuya gently slid his fingers out, enjoying the little whine that sounded from Ikuya as he did, and stood up so he could gently lay Ikuya down properly on the lounger.

“Be right back-” he promised with a kiss to younger's forehead.

Ikuya refused to let go for a moment, not wanting the contact to end, but he’d said he trusted him so he relinquished his hold and let his legs fall from around Natsuya’s waist. Then, he watched curiously as his brother moved to grab a pocketknife from his jeans before making his way over to where the cacti were growing.

  
Natsuya took the knife and sliced off a chuck of fresh Aloe, carefully peeling off the rough outer skin as he walked back towards the lounger. Once it was cleaned, Natsuya carefully closed the knife and slide it under the lounger out of the way before taking the inside gel and warming it up between his hands and slicking up his member with the natural lubricant. It wasn’t ideal, but it would certainly work.

Waiting for Natsuya to sort things out had to have been the longest wait of Ikuya’s life, he was practically shaking with anticipation. If he was confident his voice wouldn’t crack with need he would have shouted at him to hurry- but with the state he was in he didn’t trust himself. Even now Natsuya was frustratingly going at his own pace, and Ikuya was practically at his breaking point. Reaching forward, he grabbed Natsuya’s wrists and looked up at him pleading.

Seeing that look in his Ikuya’s eyes had Natsuya practically scrambling to position himself, normally he would have teased the younger but that expression had him losing his senses.

Natsuya finally leaned down to claim Ikuya’s lips harshly as he aligned himself with his puckered hole, pushing in slowly to let Ikuya get used to the feeling, the younger moaning at the renewed contact despite the slight pinch. Ikuya’d known this part was going to burn a little no matter how much preparation he’d done, but he also knew it would get a hell of a lot better the more he moved.

Ikuya bit down on Natsuya’s lip and wrapped his legs around his waist, quickly pulling him in closer and forcing him in even deeper- the faster he was in the quicker he’d adjust. Natsuya moaned out loudly, not expecting the sudden movement, and remained still for a moment, panting heavily and looking down into eyes glazed over with lust.

Ikuya was covered with sweat, he’d been working before Natsuya’d arrived and now that things were getting hotter his stomach practically glistened as his chest steadily rose and fell with his panting. His teal hair was a mess, some tousled on the cushion beneath him and some sticking to his face. His cheeks were flushed red, and his eyes we’re darker than Natsuya had ever seen them.

He was quite possibly the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

“nii… Natsuya, move, please!”

That was probably the first time Ikuya had used his full name… and the way said it was enough to drive him insane. He couldn’t hold back anyone. 

“Whatever you say love~”

And then he was thrusting into the lithe body beneath him, watching Ikuya’s every reaction to find the perfect angle. Ikuya moaned out when he hit his prostate, he couldn’t help it. Natsuya’s hips were rolling into him smoother than waves, and once he'd found his angle all Ikuya could do was hold on tight.

Ikuya dug his hands into Natsuya’s hair, looking for anything he could hold on to to keep himself from scratching down Natsuya’s back. But the feeling of Ikuya tugging at his hair had Natsuya driving into him even harder. Their lips crashed together, tongues dancing amongst their gasps for breath as Natsuya’s hips rocked even faster.

Natsuya could feel his stomach tightening and tensed in anticipation of a climax, he was so close but he needed Ikuya to cum with him. Quickly, he adjusted their position so all his weight was supported on one arm and reached between them, pumping Ikuya’s cock in time with his trusts.  
  
The younger shouted at the intensity, feeling his arousal tighten in his stomach, and suddenly it was unraveling and his vision went white as he came with a scream of Natsuya’s name. The feeling of Ikuya coming undone around him mixed with the sound of his name in that tone had Natsuya's orgasm crashing through him soon after; the sensation draining all the strength in his body as he collapsed next to Ikuya on the lounger. 

Once he’d managed to catch his breath, Natsuya moved to slide one of his arms under Ikuya’s head, guiding the younger so he could lie on his chest. Ikuya was too tired to resist-though he didn’t really have a reason to… old habits are hard to break. Though he didn’t fight the smile that lit up his face when Natsuya kissed the top of his head either…

He couldn’t see it anyways, so why bother.

“I love you~” Natsuya murmured into his hair, snuggling in closer to hug him tightly, sleep already starting to take him.

“Yeah… I love you too.” And it felt so fucking good to say it.

It didn’t take long for exhaustion to hit Ikuya as well, it had been a long day, and an even _longer_ month- and for the first time in a while he wasn’t afraid to fall asleep.

 

***

Ikuya woke up to Aspen licking his hand feeling lighter than he had in over a decade despite the tightness in his lower back. Looking down he realized that Natsuya had taken a blanket from another lounger and draped it over him, letting him rest.

Typically he would have felt annoyed with the gesture, but after everything that had happened it just filled him with a calm joy he never wanted to lose. 

He noticed that Natsuya wasn’t lying beside him- but a quick look around and he found him sitting at table nearby. It was almost aggravating how perfect he looked. He still hadn’t put on a shirt, and with his glasses poised on his nose, coffee cup in one hand and a book in the other, the light streaming through the glass above him illuminated his features like a young God. 

 _‘And he’s all mine_ ’ Ikuya mused to himself, pulling the blanket up to cover his face as he felt the blush colouring his features. It was too early to be this sentimental.

Slowly he got up, putting on his boxers and reaching for his shirt before pausing and deciding to pick Natsuya’s up instead. As he walked over, he realized Natsuya was reading his poetry book that had just gone to print. Noticing he was finally up, Natsuya closed the book and turned a little to face him, giving him an obvious once over when he realized he was wearing his top.

“Well, good morning handsome. That shirt certainly looks good on you” Natsuya said with a bit of a tease, but Ikuya could hear the underlying affection in his voice. Which is why he accepted the hand that was extended to him and let himself get pulled into a kiss.

“Sure, ‘morning’, what time is it anyways?”  
  
“Around 11:30, your agent stopped by earlier but I told him you were still sleeping. Apparently I’m supposed to tell you to answer your phone? Can’t say he’s wrong.” He was teasing again, but Ikuya did feel bad for making his company worry.

“Yeah. Sure… I’ll email him later,” He said brushing the conversation off, he didn’t want to admit his phone was dead, “come into the kitchen, I’ll make you a proper breakfast.”  
  
“Something else Haru taught you how to cook I’m sure?”  
  
“Shut up-” Ikuya snarked back without any bite as he made his way into the kitchen, Aspen in tow and Natsuya picking up the book and following him.  
  
Turning on the burners he easily fell into his routine of grilling fish (yes, like Haru always did) and cutting up vegetable.  
  
“Need any help?” Natsuya offered sincerely, looking at all the ingredients.

Feeling rather bold, Ikuya just shook his head no and teased “nope, just sit there and look cute.” 

Ikuya smirked as a flash of shock passed over Natsuya’s expression before he smiled, taking a seat and resting his chin on his hand. “Haha, I’ll do my best.”

Natsuya flipped to the page he’d stopped on as Ikuya continued to move around the kitchen, he’d gotten a lot better since Natsuya’d last seen him cook.  
  
‘ _He’s going to be a great partner’_ Natsuya thought to himself without really realizing the implication, warmth spreading in his chest a moment later when he did.

He kept reading as he waited, and he couldn’t help but feel a little sad as he moved through the pieces. As beautiful as there were, it was as clear as day now that these pieces were about him, or them, and the feelings of futility and sorrow made him hate himself for waiting this long. How had he missed it, these were so obvious… Ikuya had been feeling the exact same things he was, but was so much better at expressing them. The works were actually making his eyes water.  
  
He’d make sure Ikuya would never feel this way again, they were together now and he was going to love him with everything he had.  
  
“What do you think?” Ikuya asked as he set their breakfast down on the table, the question startling Natsuya a little.  
  
“ _ahem,_ they’re amazing babe. You’re so talented, I could never put things into words like this.”  
  
Ikuya couldn’t help but get a little embarrassed, both at the praise and the use of yet another pet name. This was going to take some getting used to. He shrugged off the praise because he didn’t quite know how to respond-  
  
“You’re a talented writer too, I’m sure you could figure something out.” Natsuya just shook his head with a smile at the reflection, Ikuya had never been good at accepting compliments.  
  
“So, what do you think the title of your next one will be?”

Ikuya actually had to think about that one, humming to himself as he stared in Natsuya’s direction.  
Natsuya tilted his head a little bit like a puppy in his hand questioningly, and in doing so un-blocked one of Ikuya’s paintings that was hanging on the wall above his head.  
  
_‘Of course,’_ Ikuya thought to himself as he took a sip of coffee.  
  
“Daffodil fields and Red Carnations” he responded with a small smile.

Natsuya quirked his head to the other side- “What does that mean?”

Ikuya actually had to laugh at that.

“I’ll show you.”

**Author's Note:**

> THE END! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
> 
> In case you were wondering, all the book titles have flower meanings:  
> \- Gardenia's represent a secret love  
> \- Large amounts of daffodils are indicative of rebirth and new beginnings  
> \- Red carnations represent deep romantic and passionate love
> 
> Also, Aldo Leopold and Inoue Hiroki are real people and you should for sure check out their work if you get the chance! All the food mentioned are real Japanese dishes too - google the noms if you want some delicious recipe ideas!
> 
> (PS I'm sorry if there's spelling or grammar errors, like I said, this is a gift for my beta, I'm likely going to re-read it soon to double check)
> 
> Like I always say, likes are like high-fives through the internet and comments are my favourite! Talk to me friends! :)
> 
> Also, as always, if you wanna stay up to date with my writing or wanna talk to me, you can find me on cosplay/ fandom instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/bespectacled__owl/


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